Diet and Depression (Making the Connection, for Liberation)

Haven't blogged for a while. Depression, and my means of keeping my head above it has kept me away. Journaled (pen to paper) on occasion. Fought like hell to try to relax, meditate, and Have Faith. Beginning to realize my judgment about the very process prevents me from allowing; whatever's begging to be noticed in my brain, I find it's better to simply allow it. Don't fight it. When I judge it, then the struggle ensues.

Wasn't planning to write this. Didn't know how I was going to maneuver this latest bout; especially since I felt like my latest relaxing, healing getaway had put me back on track. Seems as soon as I declare something, I am invariably challenged to stand up to it. Almost didn't pass the test.

The thing is, "shit" invariably happens. The test is, how will I choose to respond to it?

One negative response to a given scenario is all it takes seemingly, for me. It's like somebody trying cocaine for the first time, and getting hooked. Or in my case, my former "drug of choice" was sugar. I would detox and would be feeling fine... Until I came into proximity of some sugary treat of my choice and take a taste. Leading to another taste; and another, until I find myself on a runaway freight train! I find myself out of control, and all the adverse effects would return including weight fluctuation, skin eruptions, stress/anxiety, and sluggishness in energy and in my digestive system.

Until recently, I felt I had to stay out of social settings, because EVERYBODY eats sugar and starch. Now, what others are doing doesn't affect me like that anymore. I simply think of the affect ingesting it will have on my body, and that's enough. Besides, I'm not obsessed with food as I was in my past; I don't feel I'm "missing out" or that other people are getting something I'm "not allowed." To the contrary, now I feel liberated; special that I don't have to be a "lemming" and follow what everybody else is doing, to my detriment. I feel that if others around me only knew; if they could kick their unconscious addiction, they'd be a lot better-off too! They'd be able to finally get a handle on the allergies, yeast infections, weight gain, digestive disorders, lack of energy, stress/neurosis, and numerous other afflictions...

NOW -- as I'm writing this, I'm realizing what triggered my relapse! Winter and cold caused me to veer away from eating predominantly raw. When it's colder, I allow myself some cooked foods, (mostly pureed soups); the heaviest I might go is a little quinoa with lightly-sauteed greens. But this season, I was eating things I don't normally eat. Like bread. I NEVER eat wheat, but even eating whole sourdough rye and at one point kamut (which I'm not accustomed to eating), it was still not something my body was agreeing to. I felt it primarily in my digestive and nervous system. No surprise, in that they are very-much connected.

Reuniting with relatives recently helped me realize how fortunate I am to have the health that I do manage to maintain. I also felt sad and a bit frustrated that my family members seem to accept poor health as a fact of life, not realizing they are addicted (just as I am -- I'm simply a recovering addict) to a diet of DEATH. This is why they behave as if they aren't intelligent enough to make the connection that what they are putting in their mouths as "food" is methodically KILLING THEM. It's not about being "intelligent" enough, because these people aren't "stupid" -- THEY'RE ADDICTED. HOWEVER -- the problem with this level of unconscious addiction is that eventually, that stuff they're eating as "food" WILL eventually create a "dumbing-down" effect in the brain, because the constant consumption of uric, lactic, and carbonic acid (in meat, milk, and starch products, respectively) is already eroding the cell structure of the central nervous system; not to mention creating plaque deposits and blockages in other parts of the body.

How was I able to escape it? How was I able to see something different? I am from the same "cloth" as they are. This is just one of the many mysteries of My Life. I just feel ever-so-grateful this particular aspect of alternative living was revealed to me. At least with my present state of health (such that it is), it affords me strength, energy, stamina and in affect, buys me more time to continue my Journey of Self-Discovery. ('Cause I ain't out of the woods, either!)